 | all that we see or seem is but a dream within a dream | Apr 26, 2005 |
the only way out of here, is through Add yourself to my map, why don't you... oh and do leave your name! I have moved permanently to http://thedreamerlies.blogspot.com/ Do link :) It has been swell these past 3 years on Multiply but I need to move on. New outlet. I do hope you would visit my new blog and leave comments. Have a great 2009! Athena will be 2 weeks tomorrow. I'm taking the 05/12 to be her birthdate since I don't know when exactly she was born. Boy, is she getting bigger, stronger and faster. Hmmm... sounds like a song... She is the prettiest cat in the whole wide world and yes I am being biased. Her appetite has forced me to cut down on my outings. I try not to double book my days and even if I do, I rush home to feed her. This week has been a pretty darn crazy week and it's not even over yet. I'm exhasuted and I feel so beaten up. Woe is the pedestrian. I promised the boys that I'd take them out to Escape if they did well for their PSLE and bloody hell, they did. The weather was marvellous, and by that I mean, the sun spared no mercy and glared for all it's worth. We took every ride at least once and were famished by five. None of us had lunch for the simple reason that we didn't want whatever we ate to make an unscheduled appearance. Dinner was my treat at Hei Sushi and we stuffed ourselves silly. We sat there for a bit, unable to move much, telling each other truly retarded jokes. By this time it was past seven and should be heading back but none of us really wanted to, so a movie it was. I'm embarrassed to say this but I agreed to watching Bolt. It wasn't half as bad as I thought it'd be. It wasn't predictable at all. No cheesy dialogue or songs. I teared nearing the end in fact! Plus, I paid student price!! Hush hush... Early in the morning the next day, it was off to JB to get groceries and be a pirate. That's all I'm going to divulge. Wednesday, ah Wednesday. Was supposed to have lunch and play board games with Guna and friends but alas, no one would be home to look after Athena. So I could only meet them after everything to watch Snow White. I've seen many local productions and I'd have to say this is by far, the best of the lot. The actors had great comedic timing and they were really quick on their feet interacting with the audience. I recall this one bit when the Prince was asking the audience where Snow White was and a kid yelled out, "She's over there!", pointing off stage. The Prince replied very coolly and in character, "You're very cute and all but I don't think I'm supossed to find Snow White just yet" and he continued with the play. Bloody hilarious. It was a pretty heavy play as they covered a wide range of issues, events and politics. A good marketing ploy if you want your audience to come back for an encore. On a sidenote, I've seen a couple of the rehearsals (on an invitation by a cast member whom I can't mention here) and I just want to convey how impressed I am by the level of professionalism of these new actors. There's this misconception that we do not have decent actors on this island. But I do beg to differ. There are rising starlets; they just need the support and definitely the patronage. Today, I've a dinner thing at an ex-parent's house. I won't be in town for her son's and daughter's combined birthday party next week so I offered to drop by tonight. Gah. Haven't bought gifts yet! Tomorrow will be the craziest yet. Paintball in the morning. Followed by movie and lunch with a different bunch of ex students. Then I'm meeting my soulmate for dinner. I'll be so shagged, it's so not funny. Just when I thought I'd have the weekend to rest, there's a wedding and a dinner thing on Saturday and a colleague's kid's birthday party at Mac's. The next week doesn't look like I'd have any pit stops as well. I need time to breathe. Gah! Kitty's hungry... ciao. I got free tickets to watch this yesterday and I went with Serena. It was amazing as usual meeting up with her. She's by far one of my quirkiest and yet down-to-earth friends. To think that we met during practicum at CHIJTP and we're still buddies... The movie is your average Brit Chick Flick. It's like Bridget Jones; when she was much younger (half her age, to be precise). It's got a similar wit and a no-holds-barred tongue in cheek perspective about being a teenage girl in a co-ed environment surrounded by hot blokes. What I did like was how they didn't try to explain the language or the Brit sense of humour, which the book did. I recall the book being in a diary format with the protagonist going on and on about how mad her life is and at the back of the book, she explains some of the terms she uses. For example, if something is described as being "with double knobs", it means that it is doubly exciting / good... like I said, I read the book years ago, so pardon me if my memory is a bit fuzzy. This isn't Austen or Dickens, mind you. About ten minutes into the movie, it was only then did I realise that I had already read the book years ago! But it was titled," Angus, Thongs and Full-Frontal Snogging"! I couldn't figure out which was more embarrassing, watching the movie or actually having read the book, the movie is based on. I still can't decide. Heh. All in all, a good watch. Light-hearted, sweet, good morals (occasionally) and plenty of eye-candy! Intolerance of persons is one thing, but discrimination and defamation is just malicious. This article was put up about a week ago, and the adverts way before that. In light of the festive season, DBS has publicised it's support to Focus on the Family (Singapore) by contributing $15 000 to the organisation. What is FOtF? Well, it's a non-profit Christian organisation dedicated to "nurturing and defending families worldwide". It is also infamous for it's anti-gay slandering of the homosexual community. This organisation is what DBS, supported by our government, is donating to. By donating, DBS is making a firm stand by stating that it supports the organisation's anti-gay stand. To cover it's ass, DBS has stopped publicly advertising, but the damage is done and they've not stopped this campaign it's promoting. They also claim that whatever monies they receive will go into building better facilities for the future generation; to aid in their education. You know what will aid their education?? By not misinforming them about the gay community. This charity drive will only further discriminate and ostracize the community. Read the article. It "teach" you alot about this community. It's sad, really. In this day and age, prejudices are even more rampant than before. 2 days ago, my neighbour found a wee little kitty in a plastic bag beside a dustbin. I'm guessing it was a new-born, merely a couple of days old. It was tiny, shivering (either from cold, hunger or fear) and mewing ever so loudly for it's mummy. There was nothing to do but to take it in for the day (it was already 5 in the afternoon) and try to get it to drink some milk, before it starved to death. Off we went to a Pet Store near my place and bought it a packet of lactose-free milk and an animal baby bottle. To cut a long story short, this is day 3, the kitty has a much healthier appetite and it is getting stronger by the day. At this age, the kitty really needs a mummy; to teach it the fine art of walking, grooming and how to look both ways before crossing the road. We have tried to seek her out but so far it's proved to be an ardous task. Worse case scenario, we'll take her in and look after her till she's big enough, then we'll decide what to do. The first night with the kitty was tough - I didn't sleep a wink the whole night, afraid I might not hear it's hunger mews. I also had a tiny emotional breakdown as I was craddling it in my arms coaxing it to drink it's milk. As it looked into my eyes, I swear I was looking into Ricky's eyes. It was just then when it took it's tiny paws and placed it on my finger. I sobbed; I don't recall for how long, but I sobbed. I miss Ricky. It's been 7 months, but I've not gotten over his death. I still can't talk about it to anyone, without having tears well up in my eyes. This morning it woke me up at 8:30. We don't have any long term plans with the kitty, we're just temporarily looking after it till we either find it's mum or have a Plan B. Oh, I did finally decide on a name. I mean, I can't keep calling it kitty all the time... I wanted a name associated with power, wisdom and beauty. So Athena it is. The more I read about the goddess, the more the kitty resembles her. Such beauty, such courage and of course, such wisdom. Taking Athena in is my greatest good deed ever. I've a bad habit of writing my entries on Notepad before transferring them here onto Multiply. Sometimes I forget why I even write a particular entry or there are instances where I keep an entry for so long that it becomes irrelevant to post it anymore. Yes, the conundrum that is me. Like this entry for example, I wrote this one about a month ago. This was a day or two after David and I attended Kanye West’s Glow in the Dark Tour at the Indoor Stadium. The concert started an hour late (at least) and there were those that left even before he appeared on the stage. They had 2 radio Dj’s to be the emcees. I know – emcees for a professional emcee? That’s just preposterous! The organizers figured that since it’s a whole rap/hip-hop event, they decided to hold the finals for a beatboxing competition. I don’t mind beatboxing at all, the only problem was that the 2 finalists were dreadful. They were unoriginal, talentless and had no rhythm. People were booing them to get off the stage (myself and David included). To paint a decent picture for you, I have heard farting noises that were more in tune! Continuing the post, Kanye appeared around 9:30-ish and that’s when things started turning up! I’ve not been to that many concerts but that’s where DVD performances come in so I can make a pretty fair judgement about this. You see, there are great performers and then there are legendary performers. I’m not going to make a whole list about who fits where but I do want to state that after attending Kanye's concert at the Indoor Stadium, I'd place Kanye somewhere in between great and legendary. There's a whole list of reasons of course. In no particular order of merit: He's a great entertainer and has amazing stage presence - he really knows how to work the crowds / he utilizes the stage fully with his running and jumping and basically gives a top-notch performance every concert He’s a genius song-writer and producer – he’s churning out hit after hit / not to forget his hits for various artists before he became a household name. He’s 4 albums credited to his name, the most recent being 808s & Heartbreak. I really like this album. It’s very ear-friendly and he sings on most tracks. Purely vocals without rapping, so that is impressive. I like how he is adventurous and likes to experiment with different styles of music, but I especially like that he does not deviate from his soul roots. Yea, so that’s about it. I never thought I'd be one of those people, but today I have become them. I bought 2 self-help books today: - The Top Ten Mistakes Leaders Make
- 151 Quick Ideas to Inspire Your Staff
I am post it-ing, highlighting and what-have-you to the books. I can't believe how absorbed and diligent I am. I've even put my PSP on hold, just to finish the books I got early this week. If the transfer is confirmed (minor not major), I need to step up my game. With a new environment, I need to be a newer and better person. My resolution for next year is to "Play the Game" after all, so I am merely equipping myself for what is to come. I am very excited about school next year; so many changes, so many possibilities. I am all geared up!! Dear Parveen, Thanks so much for helping me out with the Instant Challenge Carnival yesterday. Both you and Cherry inspired me with your approach to teaching with boundless zest. Regards, Collin *edit The person in question here is The Mr Cherry Chacko, my teacher, mentor, guide from SRJC. This isn't lip service but I am who I am today because of him. He believed in me and that's all I needed at that time. I've never stopped believing since. Now to be compared to him, by an experienced teacher and a good friend of his, is beyond anything I would have thought possible or imaginable. This is by far, the greatest compliment to receive, ever. So the debate motion is THBT McDonald's does more harm than good. So, obviously for research I'd watch Supersize Me. Boy, was that a mistake! I was so grossed out by the facts/figures and video footages that I've put myself on a fast food ban for 30 days (or a month). Which means, starting 6th Nov till 6th Dec, I shall not... I will not consume a single morsel of that fast food junk. So far I've held out pretty well. It's been a week. I've passed the 3 day mark, and now it's much easier to continue. What I didn't count on was the temptations of others and adverts around me. Mum asked me to get McD's for the nieces and nephew and they had this HUGE advert for the Mega Mac. I love Big Mac and the Mega Mac looks heavenly. I must resist. Damn, there I was munching on my California roll and salmon sashimi whilst the kids were running around wolfing down their fries and nuggets. I'm proud of myself. I held out. Staff excursion to Henderson Wave yesterday. It was just another badly organized event. Nothing to take home, gain or learn from the experience. I'm not being bitter nor am I exaggerating. The next day (today), we get to report at 10 a.m. Usual reporting time is 8:30 a.m. Thing is, we are released at noon. Someone up there is taking the whole civil servant tag a tad too seriously. Plus side, my desk is getting organized. *edit I may have used that title in a previous entry. I am losing my touch. And more CHOICES. Life throws you an abundance of choices, especially when you don't ask for it. When you do need them however, now that's a different story. Like I said, everything seems to be going according to plan (albeit the ocassional minor hiccups) but I'm learning that sharing your ideas / thoughts with others can help to fine tune these ideas / thoughts. Lesson learnt: Do not be afraid to voice out. It goes back to the myth that two heads are better than one and I agree completely. Now with this abundance of Time on my hands, I fear procastination may set in. Things won't get done, they may get delayed, or possibly even forgotten. I've literally forcibly attached my to-do list to my body. My room is now infested with post-it notes! You see, I'm trying to get into the habit of being organized and on the ball, so to speak. So far, deadlines have been met, much to the approval of the heads and my proposals for next year, being well-planned and more detailed this time, have not been rejected. Things are looking up, but the ever-pessimist in me is waiting for the curveball. It's just a matter of time. Hmmm. One week left, before complete freedom and the real break begins. Hope your days have been as drama-free as mine. I don't think I'm overwhelmed by the workload nor the sprouting office related news/rumours. Well, not yet anyway. Everything seems to be going according to plan and everything is being carried out smoothly. So that's good news, I guess, wouldn't you agree? Strangely, I feel rather stoic and peaceful at the same time. I am not used to feeling this way, without the aid of medication. I sense a change... no sense of trepidation this time, about what the future has in store for me... I want to be carefree but not reckless, of course. I think this song could well sum it up. Kiss me out of the bearded barley
Nightly, beside the green, green grass
Swing, swing, swing the spinning step
You wear those shoes and I will wear that dress.
[Chorus:]
Oh, kiss me beneath the milky twilight
Lead me out on the moonlit floor
Lift your open hand
Strike up the band and make the fireflies dance
Silver moon's sparkling
So kiss me
Kiss me down by the broken tree house
Swing me upon its hanging tire
Bring, bring, bring your flowered hat
We'll take the trail marked on your father's map It's not so much that I have two to choose from, it's making the right choice from the two that matters most. One choice would mean I have followed my heart, whereas the other choice would mean I have followed my head (reason). It's not crucial that I make a decision now but I don't have room for both and I cannot do that to either one. Yes, I would like a sign, very much, thank you. *edit The movie brings back horrid memories. Of bad plot, acting and lying ex. IT WAS A DATE!!! Trust me to not know what it was till the end of the night. I can be such an idiot at times. So... went for my head scan on the 15th. It was very unnerving. Had to inject a coloured dye into me so the scan would turn out clearer. Having the dye enter me was an odd sensation. I started feeling warm all over me and my mouth had this metallic taste and odour lingering inside. The whole procedure lasted 10 mins and I was glad to be out of there. The next scan will take place on the 28th of Oct. A bigger, longer and definitely scarier procedure. Then, the results will be out on the 24th of Dec. Another long agonizing wait for me. No worries there, have plans to keep me occupied during the year end hols, to keep my mind off of this. I'm so annoyed with my wireless. I saved the sms-es between me and Aqil so I could type them here. So I typed out everything and when I clicked publish, the wireless went out and everything was NOT saved. I'd already deleted the sms-es. Gah! SCREW YOU TECHNOLOGY!!! The appointment is tomorrow. I refuse to worry about what the results may be but I am nervous about the actual process. I heard that brain cells do die because of the radiation emitted. Like I need the fewer amount! It is terrifying, thinking about the procedure. The results, whatever they may be, are fated anyway, so there's no real need to ponder over that. The odds are 50-50; either I'm screwed with some fatality or I'm perfectly fine. I was excited at first; I've always wanted to try out an MRI but now the nerves are killing me. I am scared. Very scared. Then again, it could be nothing. Absolutely nothing at all and I am fretting over nothing. Classic sign of denial; I said "nothing" 3 times already. Sigh. On a more jubilant note, it is a full moon out tonight and it is beautiful. Him playing songs from my favourite band was definitely on purpose and for show. All those questions he fired at me, a sign of jealousy or out of genuine interest / curiosity; tough call, really. The self-invitation ("Why didn't you invite me?") surprised me but not as much as his reaction / facial expression when I said that his presence would be weird. Platonic, my ass. Hospitals freak me out. Why, you might ask? Even if you didn't, just ask to humour me. Hospitals freak me out because they smell of death. It's quite immature of me to say that but it's true; that's how I feel about them. I always get this strong sense of doom and foreboding when I enter one and it's not that I walk into one that often, which makes my situation a whole lot worse. There's something very eerie about the white walls, the odour of bleach or whatever detergent that they use and the plastic smiles on the nurses' faces that stifles me and makes my palms clammy. Or it could just be all those horror movies I've seen which have tainted my clinical view of hospitals. This phobia is not just permitted to hospitals, I hate clinics and even doctors. I believe that they're all out to get your money and they don't really care about your well-being. The more ill you are, the happier they will be for it means you have to invest more time into visiting them and more time means more money. Hmmm... 8 days to go. Or is it 9? How does it go, I really never got the hang of it. Today's the 6th and my appointment's on the 15th, so would you include the latter into the number of days? Gah. Questions, questions questions... always with the questions... It's Monday today. Just to confuse the masses, I'll end off with this: I know that you believe that you understood what you think I said, but I am not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant. Do we live in the past or do we live for the future? Or can we do both and not have to pick sides? Does looking back mean we're too afraid of what's in front of us? Does seeking the future mean we're losing sight of who we are and what brought us to where we are now? Unanswered questions. Life is full of questions we constantly seek answers to. 11 days away and my head is throbbing more so than ever!! Gah. Maybe the cure is undergoing a lobotomy. What a visual that would be! Only 4 weeks left to the term and I cannot help but to count down the days before I can get away from the madhouse that is my school. I used to love my job and the people (some of them) with all my heart and soul. Lately, I feel as though I am running out of energy and work seems to have lost meaning for me. You can start out with all the passion, drive and determination that you have in you but it takes very little to extinguish all of that and very quickly too. That is life ain't it? I just have to suck it in and put a smile on my face. I have been doing that for so long that even the face I used to not be able to recognise, is starting to look familiar and inviting. It's one of those when you say the lie long enough, you begin to believe in it yourself, kind of truths. I need a distraction. My room needs a make-over; a face-lift. I miss my soul. Both of them. Here's wishing you're having a better life than I am!!
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